Tommy wants to be a MMA

The Green/white/red/omg power ranger
LOL

One of my best friends for 15 years. My head warmer, my alarm clock, my cuddle buddy, and my most intimate of advice givers, past away today.. Phantom was 15 and died in his sleep in his favorite napping spot. He went peacefully and will be sorely missed. the last time i saw him, he was perched on my chest the last morning i was at my moms this past March.
I'll miss the little cow spotted pain in the butt. and i'll always carry the very fond memories of him as well as a couple of scars. He was the last marker for my childhood i still had. i was in fourth grade when my aunt found him and he was there though my parent's divorce, my mom's remarriage and a lot of drama.

Thank you Phantom, for being in my life.
~your best friend

i need some lovins...badly.

I had to take the Jung Typology test and i got ENFJ, which means:

 

The Giver

As an ENFJ, you're primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENFJs are people-focused individuals. They live in the world of people possibilities. More so than any other type, they have excellent people skills. They understand and care about people, and have a special talent for bringing out the best in others. ENFJ's main interest in life is giving love, support, and a good time to other people. They are focused on understanding, supporting, and encouraging others. They make things happen for people, and get their best personal satisfaction from this.

Because ENFJ's people skills are so extraordinary, they have the ability to make people do exactly what they want them to do. They get under people's skins and get the reactions that they are seeking. ENFJ's motives are usually unselfish, but ENFJs who have developed less than ideally have been known to use their power over people to manipulate them.

ENFJ's are so externally focused that it's especially important for them to spend time alone. This can be difficult for some ENFJs, because they have the tendency to be hard on themselves and turn to dark thoughts when alone. Consequently, ENFJs might avoid being alone, and fill their lives with activities involving other people. ENFJs tend to define their life's direction and priorities according to other people's needs, and may not be aware of their own needs. It's natural to their personality type that they will tend to place other people's needs above their own, but they need to stay aware of their own needs so that they don't sacrifice themselves in their drive to help others.

ENFJ's tend to be more reserved about exposing themselves than other extraverted types. Although they may have strongly-felt beliefs, they're likely to refrain from expressing them if doing so would interfere with bringing out the best in others. Because their strongest interest lies in being a catalyst of change in other people, they're likely to interact with others on their own level, in a chameleon-like manner, rather than as individuals.

Which is not to say that the ENFJ does not have opinions. ENFJs have definite values and opinions which they're able to express clearly and succinctly. These beliefs will be expressed as long as they're not too personal. ENFJ is in many ways expressive and open, but is more focused on being responsive and supportive of others. When faced with a conflict between a strongly-held value and serving another person's need, they are highly likely to value the other person's needs.

The ENFJ may feel quite lonely even when surrounded by people. This feeling of aloneness may be exacerbated by the tendency to not reveal their true selves.

People love ENFJs. They are fun to be with, and truly understand and love people. They are typically very straight-forward and honest. Usually ENFJs exude a lot of self-confidence, and have a great amount of ability to do many different things. They are generally bright, full of potential, energetic and fast-paced. They are usually good at anything which captures their interest.

ENFJs like for things to be well-organized, and will work hard at maintaining structure and resolving ambiguity. They have a tendency to be fussy, especially with their home environments.

In the work place, ENFJs do well in positions where they deal with people. They are naturals for the social committee. Their uncanny ability to understand people and say just what needs to be said to make them happy makes them naturals for counseling. They enjoy being the center of attention, and do very well in situations where they can inspire and lead others, such as teaching.

ENFJs do not like dealing with impersonal reasoning. They don't understand or appreciate its merit, and will be unhappy in situations where they're forced to deal with logic and facts without any connection to a human element. Living in the world of people possibilities, they enjoy their plans more than their achievements. They get excited about possibilities for the future, but may become easily bored and restless with the present.

ENFJs have a special gift with people, and are basically happy people when they can use that gift to help others. They get their best satisfaction from serving others. Their genuine interest in Humankind and their exceptional intuitive awareness of people makes them able to draw out even the most reserved individuals.

ENFJs have a strong need for close, intimate relationships, and will put forth a lot of effort in creating and maintaining these relationships. They're very loyal and trustworthy once involved in a relationship.

An ENFJ who has not developed their Feeling side may have difficulty making good decisions, and may rely heavily on other people in decision-making processes. If they have not developed their Intuition, they may not be able to see possibilities, and will judge things too quickly based on established value systems or social rules, without really understanding the current situation. An ENFJ who has not found their place in the world is likely to be extremely sensitive to criticism, and to have the tendency to worry excessively and feel guilty. They are also likely to be very manipulative and controling with others.

In general, ENFJs are charming, warm, gracious, creative and diverse individuals with richly developed insights into what makes other people tick. This special ability to see growth potential in others combined with a genuine drive to help people makes the ENFJ a truly valued individual. As giving and caring as the ENFJ is, they need to remember to value their own needs as well as the needs of others.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Extraverted Feeling
Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted Thinking

oh odin,
give me the strength to withstand the unknown,
the courage to shoulder my pain.
and the patience to be able to handle the clustfuck that was just thrown at me.
*headdesk*

So i'm posting on here as well, since aparantly a lot of people either don't know, or don't check facebook.

My brother and I were in a car accident on Friday afternoon.

We were on one of the offramps near the shiney mall, the traffic was horrid. so we were sitting, waiting, and aparantly he was about to look at me and say "ya know, one of my biggest fears is to be hit on a ramp like this.."

sure enough, all i hear is "aw shit" and we're jostled around.

The girl was coming up the ramp at the speed limit, didn't see us, and tried to miss us, but failed and crushed her front passenger side and our Back driver's side. We couldn't get the driver's doors open, so we're thinking it's totaled. I called 911, the cop showed up a few minutes later, we talked with the driver whom hit us, she seemed really nice, and was really polite and sweet with the whole thing, suggested we go get checked out at the hospital if we start feeling hurt...lol

an hour later, after all the adrenaline had left my body, my neck hurt a lot...so did my left shoulder and arm...yeah i have whiplash. went to the ER, i'm now on Vicodin 5-325's, a 10 mg muscle relaxer, and 800mgs of ibuprofen every 4-6 hours. i'm sore as fuck but feeling better than i did yesterday, and higher than a damn kite, i spent all today asleep, and will probably do the same tomorrow.

i have everything documented so i can give it to the insurance company, and my brother will be getting a new car from what i can see. so we'll just have to see. :P

so i'm okay, high and sore, but okay.

So Ky comes in soon, really soon, like less than 2 hours soon...today has already been very eventful, i'm so glad i requested it off.

~I'm possibly adopting Andrew's Cat (For those of you who don't know, Andrew is a family friend whom lives in England and is very sick, he's in a chemical Coma at the moment, please send prayers).
~My house is surprisingly clean thanks to Neko and Sally.
~Various roomie related conversations have been going on about what's going to happen here in the next few months, not all of it kosher for me but ya know, it is what it is.
~Work is surprisingly going well, of course when my life is in shambles my "career/line of work" is smooth as silk.

I guess my brain is focusing on the negatives right now because i am afraid, self-fulfilling prophesy be damned i'm scared of hurting him, being hurt but there's more than that.
i'm still carrying a torch for someone who obviously gives a damn less for me. part of me keeps waiting for him to knock on the door again..

but that doesn't happen, he's not coming back and i'm way better off without him.

so yes i'm afraid to move on, i'm afraid of things changing, especially when they're possibly staring me straight in the face.

i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.
i will not fail my online courses.

bah i have to take 2 of them....yay...

Okay, as stated before what i say on here is my venting post and it's obviously getting leaked out to other people. for the love of god what i say in here is my own rants not something to be blabbed to the heavens!

with that said another note, whomever is trying to start issues with other parties that i no longer speak to, STOP NOW. 

I harbor No ill towards the other parties
i want them to lead a happy life.
so please RESPECT my decisions.

as soon as possible i'm swapping this journal to friends only as well. since people seem to be children and can't handle being an adult for 5 seconds.

and it's only Monday. XD

Mind you my weeks start on Saturday thanks in part to work and my just uncanny useage of being strange. Gaming was of course cancelled, this really pisses me off mind you when i don't make it to game because of death or something i get pouted at and they go on without me, but if someone has a feckin little sniffle they call it off. ugh, i can't wait till we get something started in the house because i'm sick of the other group's crap.

Sallie Mae is getting taken care of (supposedly) by evil aunt, whom is pissed as hell at me, but yet hasn't gotten them to stop calling? *shrug* betcha even SHE forgot and if the fuck up HER credit it'll still be all MY fault. *sigh*

Sunday worked a nice 3 hour shift, got another one scheduled for tomorrow, it'll be nice and breezy, gotta try and sell rockers. they have this promotion where if we sell the most Rockers from now till Mother's day, all the retail, cash and managers win rocking chairs. Which would look REALLY feckin nice in my living room XD.

Sally-kun moved in. (for those of you who never heard me talk of her, she's an on again, off again friend and former flame of my brother) they got back together *thumbs up* and as far as i know things are fine.

XD she hit a mile marker while driving up here, the top part of her windshield is shattered and only being held together by clear duct tape, As well as there's a dent in the roof bigger than my ass. (just to give you a visual) She SOMEHOW made it here in one piece, lol that girl has the devil's luck.

Speaking of which Today we went walking around to find her a job, get applications and whatnot. she might of already landed a job at Applebee's like, literally by walking in. XD it was insane, i was there for her pre-interview interview, it was totally right place, right time.

It's nice having another female in the house, it's also nice to have her here, i really did miss her, Sure she can be down right simple on bad days, but she's Sweet, and dear god you just meet her once and she's instant best friend, got your back, die for you. I think after all the hell i went though recently that i needed someone like that. (not saying i don't have that but literally in the house, reminding me every day that i'm wanted as a person? lol it's kinda nice)

On other notes, Ky (the boyfriend) didn't get his disability lawsuit, his back isn't permently damanged, which is a good thing, but means he has to find some form of job. which he might have lined up.

he'll be up mid may, so i'll just have to see what goes down keep your fingers crossed for me guys.

Otherwise i really have not much to report, spare i got another Raise at work, have two more lined up for June and July (deferent departments = different pay rates) and i'm looking really forward to seeing Star Trek and a ton of other movies this summer.
I've also been writing a bit, slowly and surely, i'm going to re-do Los Middel and make it something worth selling.

~Brea

needed an excuse to use the new icon...it's from sinfest....tehe enjoy!

i'm listening to Les Miserables, the original London Cast....and all i see is Snape (Alan Rickman for those unfortunate enough to know him JUST as Snape, also the Judge in Sweeney Todd) playing Javert....it's so...so nosebleed worthy!

on other notes, work's okay, school's starting soon..then who knows.

but i want to make a statement here and now, and this is directed to ALL my friends.

Whether you need it now, or later in life, if you ever need it, my door is open, i have a couch that is more than easily occupied.

(nothing really sparked this, but i just wanted to re-state it)

So I started my birthday in tears, i had finally come to the realization of why i hated my birthday, it was a massive mental breakthrough.
I remember my time in high school during my birthday to be very...traumatic.

• at 13 my best friends stripped all my Ken dolls and shoved their crotches in my face...
• at 14 i was packing my Step-father's stuff, waiting for the impending divorce of my parents, and the only father i had ever known.
• at 15 i think i was trying to to get the crap beat out of me by my step-father for the 2nd time or so...that's a bit blurry too thanks to a lot of alcohol.
• at 16 i remember my aunt and uncle fighting because i wanted to spend my sweet sixteen sleeping...and then fighting with my mother whom had at that point, abandoned me for her husband.
• 17 i don't remember at all, i THINK Melinda and i fought, we often did because i was a moron of a child. (my words, i swear)
• at 18 i was packing and moving out of Melinda's house, "i was finally an adult and had to do things on my own" god i was a IDIOT!

between 19-23 it was mostly a string of drunken nights dealing with Ian's Drama or ignoring my own. which peaked with me ruining what could of been a fantastic friendship and all credibility i had with individuals in a former friend group.

Last year, was easier for sure, but it was cold, awkward, and still there was fighting.

This year....was very, very different, and i have Red, Jon, Amy, Stacy, Tanya and all my interweb friends to thank for that.

I woke up this morning to a clean house, a cup of chocolate coffee, and the meat-type products for dinner already bought.  Took a nice long shower, did my makeup, put on my Fedora and went to get my paycheck...had a fun time shopping with Red, stopped in at Ester Price and bought some Chocolate Covered Pretzels *YUM!* and went to walmart to get the foods for dinner.
Jon grilled Hot dogs and Hamburgers, i made Potato and Lenguini salad.  then Red shocked me with a cute cup-cake cake. (this small cake with my name written on it surrounded by cupcakes, yellow and white frosting, chocolate and vanilla cupcakes. and cute candles on it, not a big bon-fire.!)
I got a bit tipsy on my wine, and then Tanya stopped by, and she seriously blew me away.  She got me this small little bouquet of flowers, my favorite candy (sunny seed drops, which are candy and chocolate coated sunflower seeds) a little plastic Captain hook lookin dude, a Mix CD with a TON of songs on it that i *think* she hears and they remind her of me or something...and this cute little red fox jewlery box thingie we sell at work. (once i get my phone back, i'll post a pic of it, it's so cute!!!)

and i got to see all my favorite people that live near by, got to be light-hearted and not worry about anything for one whole day..

got to watch really funny episodes of CSI, The Daily Show, Countdown and Rachel Maddow...

I got comments on Facebook, LJ and Myspace from people wishing me a good day...and i'm sure a ton of phone calls would of been made too if my cell had been turned on...

yeah, today was fantastic...i'm so happy and grateful to everyone! it's the first birthday in a long time i didn't end it the way i started it...

that's how i feel...i'm 24 years old now...and i thought i'd have more things figured out...at least stable...and yet i don't. sorry about the suicide post earlier, the brain weasels are having a field day...i'll post more about that later...and why i hate this date on the calender...hopefully this year it'll be better..here's hoping.

if i killed myself before midnight, would i still be 24?

Got the required phone call to my aunt to fix my student loans done.
Washed a load of dishes.
Got my Paladin to 45.
Washing laundry, reading web comics...all i need now is something to eat and i'm set for the day!

Last night, getting to talk to an old, TRUE friend...getting to compare notes, was epic and wonderful and i'm so glad to have him in my corner. *hugs*

So i'm starting Sinclair earlier than i planned, making phone calls and getting balls in motion on Monday before work.

*waves the pom poms* go me!

~Brea

i made it back to Pitt in mostly one piece, had a small break down yesterday, nothing major, just more me working though crap in my brain and stuff on my plate.

Work missed me, because i'm working like all this week and they're killer hours (like going to kill me, killer hours).

I guess my biggest problem is trying to weed out the dead-wood of my life. and maybe trying to be a bit selfish like i've been accused of in order to get myself on a path that *I* like, a life that *I* want to lead.

it's hard, but it's worth it.

My entire world is in limbo right now, the only things stable is my Warcraft account!

lol.


i'm also still trying to fix this LJ to make it look right...it's going to take a while.

my grandmother is sending me home with a small stack of old photos, of my mother, of me as a baby, of my parent's wedding..they looked so happy...my dad looked like a total tool, lol right down to the powder blue suit. it was so 1980's...i love it.

they looked so happy and in love, lol guess it took my dad that long to realize my mom was crazy, and my mom that long to realize my dad was a moron.

*shrug*

i don't understand her at all,..